Stalking for blurbs

Stalking Gillian Flynn
I’m not stalking you, Gillian Flynn, I’m offering you an opportunity. You’ll love my next book. I write like you. Which means we’re alike.  Which means we’re friends, practically. We know each other. You’ll see this, once you’ve read my book.
This is what you’ll say when you do:
The Cry is exceptional, emotional, funny, heartbreaking, page-turning, unputdownable. It’s the book I aspire to write.
Ah Gillian. My Gill.  There’s your blurb, on the front cover, and I am a Number One bestseller. We have so much in common! 
Imagine if you missed out on this opportunity. I won’t let that happen, honey. We’ll get to know each other. You won’t realise it’s happening at first. You might notice that I retweet you (You might not. I’ll only do it every fifth tweet). You’ll see some lovely comments on your Facebook page. We’ll have a lot of friends in common. Google alerts will come in saying I mentioned you on my blog and you’ll find yourself saying: “Wow, this Helen FitzGerald really loves my stuff. We must be like-minded. She must write like me. I must read her next book now, but it’s not out till September. How, HOW can I get my hands on it?”
Now now, Gillian, you’re coming over a bit stalky, and no-one likes that. Be patient. We’re going to get even closer.
I’ll make the move when it’s time.

~ by helenfitzgerald on April 3, 2013.

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